Ask The Krazy Koopa Krew: THE REMAKE
by marinparasol
Summary: Two and a half years ago, I created "Ask The Krazy Koopa Krew". It was dumb and a steaming pile of weeb trash. So, in memory, I decided to celebrate 2018 I would give this book another shot and rewrite it. Ask the 7 Koopalings, Bowser Jr., and Kamek whatever you want. Just send it through PM, and remember that there's a Chain Chomp in the studio. Please send help.


**DISCLAIMER: I, Pentagrade, do not own any characters mentioned in this fan fiction apart from the characters Octodent, Pentagrade and Hexaclass. The koopalings and all mentioned belong to Nintendo. I do not have copyright, ownership or rights to any of their characters. Thanks.**

The only source of light shined through a four-paned window, half-hidden by a white curtain. Everything was white, the walls and floor so plain it would drive you insane. The lights built into the ceiling were off, the room coated in thick, dusty shadows. A collection of various items that would be found in a recording studio were bundled in the darkest left corner of the room, whilst nine plain plastic chairs were arranged in a semicircle arc in the centre of the room.

Behind the arc of chairs was a large, plushy armchair made of fine red material, with a gold coloured frame. A large display screen was propped up against the furthest wall, with a smaller screen sitting directly on a stand near the armchair. The double doors, scarily similar to hospital doors, were left ajar and half-open. Despite this, the entire establishment gave off no vibe of having life. It was as if it were abandoned. Even the scarce view from the small window looked as if it was staring into a suburban wasteland.

With a heaving creak, the door suddenly extended its scope. A blooper creature entered the room, yawning slightly. It seemed normal at first sight, but the darkness of the studio made it apparently clear that the blooper had some ethereal, ghostlike texture which radiated a misty white glow. It flicked on the light switch, the room quivering with light that soon burst to light. The blooper floated over to the armchair and promptly sat down (to the best of its ability, being a non corporeal ghost), turning its attention to the small screen.

"Signing in…" it mumbled to itself. The black screen flickered to life, a glowing teal screen showing up. "User, Pentagrade. Admin privileges… granted!' The ghost-blooper smiled to itself, before proceeding to use its tentacles to type in commands with the screen's interface. Two audio speakers crackled, and a tired voice made itself heard.

"Do I bring 'em now?" The voice questioned. Blooper nodded, though it wasn't seen by the person-creature on the other end.

"Please do. I haven't set up, though, but if we don't get ready soon then the manager is going to lecture me. That cuts into our recording time, and—" Blooper was cut off by the voice exerting a loud groan. "Don't give me that attitude, Hexaclass! I'm still a position higher, and i'm running this segment. So, if you will… get our 'guests' over here, will you?" Blooper ranted, before cooling down into a thinly-veiled attempt to calm itself.

"Fine. I hope that your manager accepts manhandling as an acceptable form of transportation," Hexaclass responded. Ending the call, the blooper settled down, a tired expression playing on its features. Exactly three minutes later, a skeletal Piranha Plant charged in, slamming open the doors. It was seated inside of a Clown Car with red accents and a large blooper symbol. Underneath it were the words "Geocademy Media". The propellor wheels had two long, thick ropes tied around the parts that weren't spinning at the speed of light.

These ropes were tied around eight koopas, four on each side. A Magikoopa with opaque glasses and sea blue coloured robes with an accompanying hat was seated on the back of the clown car, grasping a broom. It didn't look too happy to be forced into sitting behind a carnivorous plant, with eight kids tied down against their will.

On the left rope, the first koopaling had two large, dark blue tufts of hair and a midnight blue shell with orange-ringed spikes. He was wriggling ferociously, but hadn't had any luck of escaping the binds. His spiked black bracelets and single tooth identified him as Ludwig Von Koopa, the oldest of the koopalings. Next to him was an extraordinarily small yellow coop with a rainbow mohawk and a lazy eye, his face still in a large smile despite the circumstances. He was holding onto a large circus ball, yellow in colour with big orange stars. Two orange stripes on the side of his head were the same colour as the shell on his back, which had yellow-ringed spikes.

The third koopa was pink-headed and wore hot magenta glasses with opaque black lens, easily the largest of all the koopalings that were tied down by Hexaclass. He was creating such a ruckus that strong duct tape had been sealed over his mouth to prevent a vocal riot. His shell was purple with pink rims on the spikes, mirroring the green-and-purple shell of the lanky koopaling beside him. This one had large black glasses and didn't at all seem bothered by his kidnapping of sorts. This vastly contradicted the lone female koopaling with a pink and grey shell, wearing a polkadot pink bow, a large red beaded necklace and huge gold-hoop bracelets, with pink high hurls and big lips. She was clearly thrown off and on the brink of fury, the first on the right side of the rope. Next to her was a dark brown koopaling with a large open mouth and a big grey star on his face. Three strands of hair protruded from his head.

The second to last koopaling had a cerulean coloured mohawk and a shell the same colour, with two fangs coming from his mouth. He seemed slightly amused by the situation. The final captive was throwing a full-blown temper tantrum, his bandana with a clumsy drawn-on mouth moving every time he wriggled around in the rope bindings. He had a green shell and head, with a small red ponytail and thick eyebrows.

"So, our guest have arrived." The blooper made a quick command on the screen, and the doors slammed shut. "Release them. They can take a seat. Kamek can… oh, forget it." It made a few commands and another plushy chair appeared out of thin air, and took place next the other armchair. "Take a seat." As the Magikoopa zoomed over, some of the koopalings started to complain in indignation. "Hexaclass, release them."

Up order, the Piranha Plant released all of the koopalings with the simple click of a button. They all fell to the floor, dizzy and exhausted. "What are you waiting for? Take a seat. We don't have all day, so get moving," Hexaclass prompted. Wendy was the first one to leap up, hostile and challenging. She issued her complaint fiercely, glaring at the skeletal plant.

"Excuse me? First off, do you know who I am? Secondly, why do you think you have authority over us? You kidnapped us, you have no right to tell us what to do. Additionally… Where are we?!" She shrieked angrily, holding her ground. Hexaclass sighed, obviously not intimidated by her. "Well, answer me!"

"Answer one: of course I know who you kids are. That's why you're here. Two: you answered your own question. We kind of just took you against your will, so obviously you should answer to us since we have the power. and to answer the third question… in the studio of Geocademy Media, where we will be filming our next show… with you nine as the main stars," Hexaclass finished, a sinister grin creeping up on its face. "I'm Hexaclass, the executive producer here. The ghost blooper up on the chair is my boss, the producer. Also known as Pentagrade."

"What is up with that naming choice?" Larry asked rudely. Pentagrade glared at him.

"Well, it's not as if you have the most classiest name ever," Pentagrade snapped. Hexaclass chortled in the back at what she perceived to be a pun. "Now, if you'd be so kind as to take— a— seat— we could start the explanations." Now intimidated by the boo-blooper hybrid, the eight children scrambled to their seats. Pentagrade smiled cheerfully. "Thanks for that! As a reward…" She wrote something down in the screen, and all of the chairs switched to the same plushy armchair, the only difference being that the seating was a cerulean blue rather than red. The guests seemed far more happy with this seating arrangement.

"So, now that comfort has been taken care of, the guests are here… Now to revamp the studio!" Pentagrade concluded cheerfully.

"Uh— um— I don't think it says in the contract you're allowed to do that," Hexaclass added in, taken aback and unsure. Pentagrade snickered.

"Yeah, but it doesn't say anything about Kamek doing it. So, if you will…" Pentagrade turned to Kamek, who hadn't even raised his wand. He was flat-out ignoring her. "Do it and I'll talk to Bowser about increasing your pay. I have connections," she bribed immediately. In an instant, the plain and boring studio was transformed into a luxurious filming area with equipment set up, a big curved table in the middle of where the koopalings were seated, and the big screen was moved in front of them. Kamek and Pentagram's seats were elevated above the others, but were still clearly visible. There was a large kitchen/bar area in the right hand corner, a dressing room connected through s big hallway in the upper right side of the studio, and a director's crew taking up the entire left wing.

The director's crew ranged from Koopa Troopas with filming equipment, Buzzy Beetles dashing around with water bottles, coffee cups and more, Boos poring over pages of text, and Bloopers with expensive laptops going through emails and business enquiries. One blooper, with a cup of tea and opaque circular glasses, had a large sticker on its laptop. It read a clear "OCTODENT" with a smaller "Please don't go through my stuff, I haven't figured out how to set a password and boss will fire me if I lose important stuff again" beneath it.

"That's the crew," Pentagrade explained unnecessarily. Larry said quietly "we figured" before being shut up by its furious glare. "So, I bet you want to know why you've been summoned here. And I have just the answers!"

"Get on with it, loser!" Roy yelled. Pentagrade pressed a few buttons, and a door which nobody noticed opened up so a Chain Chomp could reveal itself. "Holy mother of…" he trailed off in shock, whilst Iggy let out an odd-sounding squeal at the sight of a Chain Chomp.

"See, it's not that we can't afford actual security, its that nobody wants to be our security. So we took measures, and this Chain Chomp is our new security. If anybody gets violent or rude, I'll get Octodent to call her out. Right, Octodent?" The bespectacled blooper let out a high pitched shriek as her name was called, momentarily flying out of her seat before fixing her glasses.

"Uhh, yes! I… will take care of the Chain Chomp… and call it out! Even though it hates me," she added the last part quietly. "But, not to be rude, shouldn't you explain the premise of the show first?" She questioned. Pentagrade gave a small 'ohh' before nodding.

"Yes! Thank you for the reminder! This show was pitched by our boss of the company, who thinks it might make the Koopa Kingdom seem a bit less intimidating in the public's eyes. And before you ask, a recent census reveals that 56% of the Koopa Kingdom agrees that we are, in fact, too scary. So, we put together… 'Ask The Krazy Koopa Krew!', a show where you absolute losers can be asked questions by our viewers, which you're bound by law to answer!' Pentagrade presented proudly.

"We haven't signed any contract. You can't make us," Ludwig countered aggressively. Hexaclass sighed.

"Your legal guardian signed it for us. Bowser was quite in favour of this concept, so long as he didn't have to go on it himself. He said public humiliation might make you guys better at your jobs," the skeletal plant confirmed.

"Contracts signed by minors aren't legally binding," the eldest pointed out. Octodent sighed and pressed a button on the side of her chair. The Chain Chomp emerged, barking with the eagerness of a hungry rabid dog. Ludwig gulped in fear. "Point retracted. We'll go along with this scheme." Pentagrade grinned in triumph.

"There really isn't much else to say, except that since this show relies on its viewers you can send in a total of eight questions to either the koopalings, Kamek, Hexaclass or I. Or Octodent, too. So please, send in your questions by the way of PMs, since review questions won't be answered. Thank you for joining us in the debut of this series!" Pentagrade finished. Everybody except Hexaclass seemed confused by what she said, so she sighed and press some buttons. Immediately, the chairs sunk down through the ground, the koopalings in them. "Don't worry, they're not dead. Just in captivity."

Suddenly, the big screen flickered to life. A FaceTime appeared. "Oh, boss. We just finished with the first episode. How's it with you?" Pentagrade asked.

Bowser nodded before making a motion to something offscreen. "This better not fail. The first one went to the rats because of your laziness. Same thing better not happen here." Pentagrade looked fairly intimidated before nodding. "God, being the boss of this stupid place stinks…"


End file.
